Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

Hark what’s that?

Saturday, December 14th, 2013

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angles-in-america-1024The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.  ~George Elliot

 

‘Tis the season for angels, angels, angels!  We sing songs about angels, read stories about angels, we make angels in the snow, and of course, we put angel images everywhere.  On cookies, in frames, frozen in sculpture, molded in chocolate, and then we even impale them on decorated trees.

 

Most of the angel images are of the sweet cherub variety – angels in the guise of small children.  And most of the angels disguised as humans I have met have been under the age of seven.  (of course I have met quite a few “devils” in this age group too)  These cute little angels are messengers that call us back to play and make believe.  They bring us tidings of unconditional love.  They break our hearts when they are sad or hurt because they love so purely.

 

Biblical angels are a different matter altogether.  When an angel shows up in a text, I often ask the congregation, “now what is the first thing an angel says?”  Folks then call out: “behold” or “lo”, but actually the first thing a Biblical angel usually says is “fear not”.  When the angels visit the shepherds on Christmas Eve, listen for this language about fear.

 

Fear not, indeed.  In Tony Kushner’s brilliant play, “Angels in America”, the angel, played by the brilliant Emma Thompson, is terrifying, enthralling, mysterious, and sexy.  The message of this angel is hard to decipher and can only be understood in the context of the struggle of Prior Walter to live and finally die with AIDS.  S/he (angels are usually depicted as being quite androgynous) appears in supernatural visions and then in the guise of a wise nurse, a homeless woman, and more enigmatically as a real estate agent.  The message of the voice/angel in this play is to tell Prior Walter that he is a prophet:  that his life has meaning and how he lives with this plague matters.  Prior, by conquering his fear of the angel (and God) will then be able to speak prophetic words of life in the midst of death.

 

I believe that angels – messengers of God – are hovering all about us.  This is not a particularly “woo woo” sort of belief, nor do I think that we are surrounded by all sorts of strange spiritual beings.  And I am particularly not interested in long discussions of fallen angels, angel armies, guardian angels, or the various hierarchies of angels in heaven and hell.  Instead, I believe that bits and pieces of divine wisdom are scattered within creation and that there is much we can learn if we are simply willing to listen.

 

God is still speaking through little children, furry four-leggeds, mountains, valleys, tragedies, triumphs, and through our sisters and brothers – any one of whom may suddenly become an angel to us bringing a message from the Divine.

 

‘Tis the season for angels – can you hear them sing? speak? And if you find yourself suddenly fearful, listen very, very carefully, for an angel may be on the way.

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Just-Us Church

Friday, October 18th, 2013

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emptychurchOne of the most telling differences among individual American churches lies in their approach to the world beyond their doors. In my mind there are two major camps:  the “just-us” churches and the “justice” churches.

For some congregations, the “just-us” sort,  interactions with the wider community are strictly limited to their evangelism efforts.  In such churches, members are encouraged to invite their friends, acquaintances, co-workers, dry cleaner, dog groomer, or whoever to come to their worship services.  The goal of these invitations is to “win souls for Christ”.  The invitation to participation in such communities assumes that the visitor will (hopefully!) become “one of us” and will adopt the primary religious beliefs of that congregation.

Traditionally, these “evangelical” churches limited their outreach to “soul winning” and they stayed away from anything political AND they did not engage in ministries in the community separate from that goal such as food pantries or other programs to address poverty.  In such churches, there are ministries of care for “members” such as taking casseroles to a grieving family or other such kindnesses, but those ministries to those in need stay “inside the house” and do not usually venture forth to provide food, shelter, clothing, or other support to strangers beyond their doors.

Meanwhile, whole other swaths of Christian churches have always been engaged with the wider community without any emphasis on spreading their beliefs or even inviting folks to attend their church services.  For these, “justice”or “mission-oriented” churches; hosting a food pantry, homeless shelter, and/or providing various other social services is a highly-desired activity.

All of these sorts of congregations, through their denominational connections, sponsor “missionaries” throughout the world.  But these mission workers can be similarly divided – like their parent churches – into those who are going to other countries for the purpose of “soul-winning” or “service”.

Having been a Presbyterian or member of the United Church of Christ all of my life, I have always been part of “justice-oriented” congregations that engaged in the wider community to serve the hungry, the poor, and those who are oppressed.  My spiritual ancestors have also engaged in struggles for justice at home and abroad for hundreds of years moving beyond attention to those in need to becoming advocates in the public sphere.  We’ve worked to abolish slavery, end apartheid, and now we are on the cutting edge of movements to address climate change, economic inequality, and the growing prison-industrial complex, to name a few.

In my experience, many people are really confused by these very different ways of “being church”.  And for those of us who do not engage in any “soul winning” sort of evangelistic outreach, we often bristle when there is any suggestion of doing “outreach” that does not have “justice” or social service at its’ core.  We are delighted to work in the food pantry, but are allergic to speaking of our faith to others.

The irony is that we are prone to become just as isolated from the wider community as those “just-us” churches that only focus on “soul-winning” when we fail to link our love for our faith community AND our faiths and beliefs to our service in the wider community.  This isn’t easy for us progressive religious types.  We really are opposed to anything that looks like evangelism.

And yet, we love our faith communities.  We truly value being part of a church family.  We are dedicated to our spiritual growth and to sharing that journey “inside the house” with our sisters and brothers.  Part of our problem is that many of us have a hard time describing our faith to others.  We don’t really have the words or courage to share what we believe (or don’t believe) with ease.  This is especially hard for a community like Montclair where wide theological difference is the norm.

So . . . when the opportunity arises, what say you?  What words shall we borrow to describe our common life together?  How do we invite others to join us in our “justice” church so that we don’t become a “just-us” church?

Starting on Sunday November 3rd, we will begin to explore what it means to be church in these first years of the 21st century.  What’s new?  What’s old?  What still works? What needs some attentive change?  This would be a swell time to attend Celebration regularly and . . . you might even invite your friends too.

 

 

 

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Commuting Fear

Saturday, September 7th, 2013

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Bay BridgesAnything scares me, anything scares anyone but really after all considering how dangerous everything is nothing is really very frightening. – Gertrude Stein in Everybody’s Autobiography (1932)

 

 

My first two weeks of commuting to Montclair from our home in San Francisco have been way more interesting than we might have expected!  The first week, the Bay Bridge was closed and I left our second car in Sari Kulberg’s driveway and used BART to go back and forth. (thanks Sari!) This worked quite well, although it took nearly 90 minutes on Sunday the 1st because I just missed a K-Owl on Market street and then had to take a 33-Stanyan to the 16th and Mission station only to discover that BART wasn’t open yet at that station.

Now you might not know that I’ve lived in San Francisco for most of the 22 years that I’ve lived in the Bay Area.  And in the late 90’s, I did needle exchange and street outreach late, late at night in the Polk street neighborhood.  My ministry in those days also included a regular shift at the Ambassador Hotel in the Tenderloin via the Listening Post, a program sponsored by the Rev. Glenda Hope’s amazing Network Ministries.  So, I’m pretty street-wise and not easily intimidated by the usual bad smells and scary behaviors that happen amongst San Francisco’s hardcore homeless and/or drug-addicted population.

But on Sunday morning September 1st, because I was on my way to Montclair church for Sunday Celebration, I was in a good suit and not dressed for street outreach.  As a result, I stood out in a way that was somewhat uncomfortable for me and it seemed like a bit of a curiosity to those hanging around the station.  I found myself clutching my bag and a smidge fearful.  But I have learned that fear in not only an unhelpful response (it makes you stand out even more!) but it is also disrespectful because it communicates disapproval to those who live in that neighborhood.  So, I took a deep breath and struck up a conversation with a couple of other folks waiting for the station to open.  Just small talk about the weather, the bridge project, etc. and my anxiety began to decrease.  By creating a small pocket of “community”, I was able to manage my fear and relax.

My second week of commuting brought another set of more welcome changes.  The new Bay Bridge is absolutely beautiful!  My first morning driving across it was magical.  It feels like you are riding on the deck of an enormous sailboat and gliding across the Bay.

But what I welcomed as a wonderful adventure, I discovered was another opportunity for fear when a friend of mine said, “I’m never going to drive on that bridge.  Who knows how it will do in an earthquake with faulty bolts and substandard steel from China?”

Certainly his concerns have some validity and they have been rightly raised throughout this long, long, and absolutely obscene, political process of building the new bridge.  I also have justice concerns myself about whether spending six billion plus for a new bridge was a wise use of resources when the old bridge could have been retrofitted for a fraction of that cost.

But am I afraid to use the new bridge?  Nope. My lack of fear of the new bridge is partly because I’ve been regularly driving across the old bridge for over 20 years knowing that it has not been retrofitted and that it isn’t just likely to fail in an earthquake, it has already failed in an earthquake. I also regularly ride through BART’s Transbay Tube and the retrofit of that structure isn’t complete.  I have served churches located on ALL the major faults in the Bay Area.  Worst of all, I’m a regular pedestrian in the City and that is truly high-risk in a statistical sense.

This little meditation on fear does chronicle some of my own successes in this area of spiritual and emotional development, but don’t think that I have it all handled.  You will definitely see uncontrolled and irrational fear should a snake come onto campus.  It will be embarrassing and quite dramatic as I break into a cold sweat and heart palpitations.  (try not to laugh – it doesn’t help) For those of you who are joining me for walks, let’s hope we don’t find any of them on those journeys either.  But if we do, just know that I will probably be useless.

So here’s my question for all of us: what do you do when you find yourself beyond your comfort level and somewhat fearful?  This happens to all of us in a variety of situations.  It is normal and human to become afraid and/or anxious in the midst of change or whenever we encounter something different than what we expect.

Night Bay Bridge

 

My own knowing is that any way that I can create a pocket of community at the point of my fear is really helpful.

 

 

 

It helped at the BART station and it helps me when I think about earthquakes and other natural disasters that I know I will not be alone and that I have been part of the preparedness planning of many communities including my own neighborhood.  And I am completely confident that if I encounter a snake, I do not want to be alone.  When I’ve spent time on our family’s ranch in Texas, “in snake world”, I prefer to walk with a dog or be on horseback – just in case!

As we continue getting to know each other, I am listening for the moments of anxiety that exist within this community about the future of this church and for the anxiety and fears we may have individually.  Feel free to speak with me if this blog has “rung any bells” for you or simply lean on your sisters and brothers in this community in whatever way you figure out.  The Stein quote I put at the top of this is also helpful for me and so is my faith that no matter what happens, I can count on the love and strength of the holy one, too.

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