Composed by Giuseppe Ottavio Pitoni
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Why We March
Thursday, April 30th, 2015
Rather than write a Contact article this week, I’d like to pass along—in written form—a radio spot I heard while driving my kids to school this week. The journalist who wrote the piece is named Zaidee Stavely. Zaidee’s mother was my kindergarten teacher, my mother is Zaidee’s God-mother, and Zaidee and my sister, Anna were best friends growing up. So naturally, I’m proud of the work Zaidee is doing, but the real reason I’m recommending this radio spot to you is that when I heard it, I realized that it gave expression to why I feel it is important to go into East Oakland once a month to march in support of the Ceasefire program, an initiative that brings faith and community leaders and law enforcement together to get guns off of Oakland’s streets. Since the ceasefire program began crime has fallen in Oakland, and while I suspect our marches are the least important part of the program, still I’m happy that so many folks from MPC show up every fourth Friday. Even if our work has but a small effect, I’m glad to be part of anything that will prevent the kind of tragedy upon which Zaidee is reporting. Here’s the link.
Ben
#BUYINGDIAPERS
Thursday, April 30th, 2015
On Sunday afternoon I made a video clip of youth group members feeling awkward. You might ask why they were feeling awkward, after such a hugely delicious and successful BBQ fundraiser, when they ought to have been mostly feeling proud and maybe a little bit exhausted. Well, despite having spent the whole morning cooking and serving, these youth were ready and willing to keep working on our fundraiser. And what they did was to walk into various stores in Montclair Village, screw up all their courage to overcome embarrassment, and buy diapers. They got some rude looks and some carefully worded questions, and they all spent some time feeling extremely uncomfortable.
A good fundraiser has two parts. The first part is putting money to good use, and thanks to you, we have achieved that goal. When the receipts are all reimbursed and tallied up we expect we will send $900 to Help A Mother Out for their diaper distribution service. The second part is raising awareness, and that’s a trickier goal. We know that diapers are not covered by SNAP or WIC, and that impoverished families are struggling to keep their babies clean and dry. We know that a supply of disposable diapers can make the difference for a kid to be able to go to daycare, thus enabling their parent to go to work (daycares usually don’t accept cloth diapers, nor do most laundromats allow you to wash them). We know that corner stores are selling single diapers at a huge mark-up because some families can’t afford to buy them one package at a time. Statistics and figures can make these facts plain. But it’s harder to put your finger on why teenage girls get the stink-eye from fellow shoppers in the diaper aisle, or why our society believes in individual rather than communal responsibility for babies. Our teens felt just a taste of what it would be like to have social disdain directed at them. They are ready to be more empathetic and to stand in solidarity, now, with those who are being judged.
Now through Mother’s Day (May 10th) we will have a diaper bin at MPC collecting donated diapers. No matter your age, we hope you will buy some diapers to put in that bin. Size 3-5 are the most badly needed. If you are younger or older than “typical” parent ages, you might confuse people or get some stares when you pick up the diapers. But we are coming together and striking out against the judgment that shames people for their family situations, and we are trying to build a community where all of us – young, old, or in-between – can say to one another “we’ve got your back.”
Blessings,
Talitha
Religious Space that Nurtures
Thursday, April 23rd, 2015
I took a vacation last week. I didn’t leave Oakland because my kids still were in school, but the school where Anne teaches was in spring break, so I decided to take a few days off so that the two of us could do things together that the kids might not have wanted to do. So, for example, we rode our tandem bike out onto the Bay Bridge to where the bike path ends. We took public transportation to the Legion of Honor in San Francisco, and on Friday morning, while Anne took the kids to school and did some shopping, I made a micro-pilgrimage by riding my bicycle to two different holy sites in Oakland. And they couldn’t have been more different.
My first stop was a little Vietnamese Buddhist shrine located at the corner of 19th Street and 11th Avenue. This place has gotten national attention (I first heard about it on PRI) because it has a remarkable story. A few years back one of the local residents decided put a Buddha statue in the neglected and trash-strewn median at the intersection of 19th and 11th. The man was not religious, he just thought the Buddha (which he purchased at an Ace Hardware store) would look nicer than bare dirt and empty beer bottles.
But after he put the Buddha on the median a miracle happened. Vietnamese immigrants living in the neighborhood started caring for the Buddha. They painted him and erected a shelter over him. Said shelter is now outfitted with granite trim (leftover from someone’s kitchen remodel, I think). There are fresh flowers, and incense, and flags, and now the original sitting Buddha has been joined by other statues, including a reclining Buddha and Quan Yin, the Buddhist personification of compassion. The shrine is now a hub of religious activity in the neighborhood, which has experienced a drop both in crime and in litter since the installation of Buddha. It’s worth a visit. (For more information on the Oakland Buddha you can listen to this story online)
When I arrived at the Shine there were five folks praying together. These worshipers welcomed me with a smile and invited me to stand—and later kneel—next to them as we prayed together. It was a deeply moving experience, even though I’m not a Buddhist, I have no idea what one does when praying at a Buddhist shrine, and I couldn’t ask for directions because I don’t speak Vietnamese, and my fellow pilgrims didn’t seem to speak much English.
After my prayers at the Buddhist shrine, I got back on my bike and rode around Lake Merritt to the Roman Catholic Cathedral of Christ the Light. It’s a beautiful building—an excellent example of modern church architecture and the kind of place I usually love—but it wasn’t welcoming. When I got to the cathedral I couldn’t find a bike rack, so I started to lock my bike to a fence near the church’s front doors. As I was preparing to enter the church a security guard (complete with a spring-like chord dangling from his ear) stopped me and asked me to move my bike to a bike rack in the parking garage—a rack that I found only after wandering around two levels of subterranean parking garage, sucking automotive exhaust and fearing for my safety while avoiding cars whose drivers (understandably) weren’t expecting to find a cyclist so far from the street. After I locked up my bike I got lost trying to find my way into the cathedral; when finally I arrived at the sanctuary I was in a foul mood, and didn’t appreciate the space as much as I wanted to.
So here’s what I learned. First, I learned that our church—like the cathedral—needs a bike rack. Oakland is fast becoming a community that is not just bike friendly but is bike-centric, and we need to be part of that. But, on a more positive note, I realized that by practicing “radical hospitality” at Montclair Presbyterian Church, we are attempting to do with Jesus on Thornhill Drive what the folks have done with Buddha on 11th Avenue: we are creating religious space that nurtures the community and draws folks in from distant places. This is good work, and I’m happy to be doing it with you.
Here are some photos from the Buddhist Shrine:
Confessing and Celebrating
Thursday, April 23rd, 2015
We are back from retreat! 29 youth and 5 adults crammed into the lodge at Zephyr Point Presbyterian Conference Center, and together we tackled racism and sexism. We used a verse from 1 John, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us; but if we confess our sins, God, who is faithful and just, will forgive us.” This verse was recited weekly in my Presbyterian church growing up. Although the words sin and confession are loaded terms, they work well if you apply them to racism and sexism, which we all could agree are sinful. We know that “if we say we have no racism” or “if we say we have no sexism” we deceive ourselves – they are so thoroughly imbedded in society that nobody can be pure and free of them, even on a subconscious level. We spent the weekend hunting for those little bits of discrimination lodged in our minds and hearts, and trying to bring them out into the light.
What touched me most was hearing from the girls. A lot of them attend schools where dress codes are strictly supervised for girls, and usually a non-issue for boys. One girl told of how she had worn a dress with straps that were too skinny, and she got sent home (a 15-minute errand) to get a cardigan to cover her shoulders. The message she heard from the teachers was that 15 minutes of her learning was less important than making sure the boys could concentrate without being distracted for even a moment by bare shoulders. This story quickly and enthusiastically devolved into satire… the boys acting like they couldn’t possibly listen to us if there was a bare shoulder anywhere in the room. It was pretty funny. But what touched me the most was that even while they fought for the freedom to wear what they wanted, the young women of this group were able to stop and confess that they also have sexist thoughts about what other people wear. Without even realizing it, they judge girls as being “fake” or “easy” or “attention-seeking.” So on the last morning we confessed our sins – specifically our internalized racism and sexism. We wrote our confessions on papers anonymously, and then we read them loud (to acknowledge them) and burnt them in a small fire (to forgive them and let go of them). My prayer is that this act of confession will enable us to move forward with a cleaner slate, being honest and open, and willing to be humble when we are wrong.
In other news… this weekend you received the news that I am the candidate for the new position of Associate Pastor! I look forward to preaching on May 3rd and to the conversation that will follow at the congregational meeting, and of course, if the way be clear, moving forward. The next steps in the process would be examination at SF Presbytery, ordination in New York City, and installation at MPC.
Some of you have asked about my job duties and how they will change after I am ordained to the new Associate Pastor position. The short answer is – I will order new business cards, and preach a little more often, but otherwise most of the changes will be so small that they might escape your notice. I will lift up a few of the changes in my Contact articles in the coming weeks, so they don’t pass by totally unrecognized. And I want to give huge thanks to the APNC members for their efforts: Marge Nicholson, Francie Chan, Frank Dauby, Steve McKiernan, Anna Santos, and Claire Kelly. You really did due diligence in discerning, searching, interviewing, and finalizing the plans. And your interview questions inspired and challenged me in wonderful ways. Thank you!
Every Blessing,
Talitha
Congregational Meeting
Thursday, April 23rd, 2015
MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND SAVE THE DATE! There will be a Congregational Meeting on Sunday, May 3, 2015 following Celebration. The purpose of the meeting is to hear the report of the Associate Pastor Nominating Committee (APNC) and vote on its recommendation to call their nominee as the new designated Associate Pastor of Montclair Presbyterian Church, according to the proposed terms of call. Prior to the Congregational Meeting the APNC will send you an important packet about the candidate and proposed terms of call.
Centered in the Chaos
Thursday, April 16th, 2015
Yes, it’s official, it’s been announced, and it’s even on social media… Michael and I are engaged. He proposed to me on a lovely hike up in Briones Regional Park last weekend. We were in a small group with two other people and two dogs, when the others mysteriously disappeared from our group, leaving the two of us alone in a gorgeously romantic hilltop location. I know now that the others were co-conspirators, but I was caught quite unawares. It felt spontaneous and surprising and truly wonderful.
Ever since then we have been caught up in a whirlwind of communication. Phone calls to tearful parents and shrieking nieces, texts to far-flung friends, and the overwhelming deluge of well-wishing on social media have kept us busy. In the midst of that flurry of activity it was wonderful to announce our engagement at Celebration on Sunday morning, and we both felt touched and grateful for such a supportive and loving community. If you want to see more of Michael, he is hoping to come to MPC at Tahoe… or, another thing you can do is bid at the auction this weekend. For the six winning bidders at a dinner hosted by Lee and Helen where Michael and I will be guests, we promise to share our #1 life-changing amazing relationship tip that anybody can use. So good luck on the bidding process.
In the midst of so much excitement I have felt my center being pulled in different directions. It might be the adrenaline, or it might be spiritual, but I remembered some important advice I heard in seminary, that goes something like this:
Spending time EVERY DAY in prayer and meditation is important for your well-being…
unless you are very busy.
When you’re busy, it’s not important – it’s essential.
It is said that Martin Luther, along similar lines, recommended half an hour per day – except when busy, when only a full hour will do. In the interests of not flying off my rocker, I’m going to meditate even more than usual… and attempting to be calm even if my brain is chattering full of plans and ideas while I do so. I will be on retreat with the youth this weekend, and will be happy if I can snatch even a few minutes for meditation in the midst of all the fun.
Thanks for sharing the love, everyone!
Blessings,
Talitha
Change of Date for Taize Service
Tuesday, April 14th, 2015
CHANGE OF DATE TO APRIL 22 FOR NEXT TAIZÉ SERVICE: Please mark your calendar to reflect that this month’s Taizé service has been postponed to April 22 (due to schedule conflicts among the organizers and musicians).
Beauty in Urban Landscapes
Friday, April 10th, 2015
Friends,
For the most part I tell people I grew up in Mendocino, and there’s some truth to that. Mendocino is where I went to school and church, and Mendocino is where I spent all of my allowance money on candy bars and coin-operated video games. My childhood home, however, was in the hills above Little River, a place so small I seldom mention it to those unfamiliar with the Mendocino Coast. My parents built our home on 20 acres, most of which was second-growth redwood forest. My bedroom window looked out over the Albion River watershed, across three ridge lines, to the hills above Ukiah, some forty miles away (it’s no exaggeration to say that Talitha—who grew up in Manhattan—and I grew up as far apart as possible).
For most of my life I’ve associated all things beautiful and wonderful with forests and wild places. To this day I’m never so relaxed as when I’m under the canopy of redwoods, and never so filled with longing as when I smell the scent of a northern Californian river. But I’ve lived in cities for the last 17 years, and during that time something has changed in me. Now I’m able to look at urban landscapes and see beauty. I’m even able to be moved by buildings, fences and delivery vans covered with graffiti. Had you told a younger version of myself that on the cusp of middle age I’d be speaking of the comeliness of vandalism, I’d have thought you were off your rocker, smoking what my childhood neighbors were growing, or both.
Yet it’s true. I’ve learned to find some beauty in gritty urban landscapes. I don’t know if this is because I’ve lowered my aesthetic standards or if something of the Easter story has crept into my vision. If it’s the latter (and I hope it is), then here’s something true about resurrection. Because Christ is risen (all together now: “he is risen indeed!”) beauty can emerge out of degradation, and the very best efforts of humanity to deface our environments can be redeemed. If that’s true, then I pray God will infuse all of humanity’s ugliness with life, so that we will live into the beauty that has been created for us since the beginning of time.
Christ is risen indeed.
Ben
P.S. Here’s an urban landscape I see every weekday morning when I drop my kids off at school:
The Women, and The Little Children
Friday, April 10th, 2015
Comment of the day goes to the new girl. Maybe about five years old, young enough that she wanted to sit in her mom’s lap during the Godly Play story. Of course we had a bunch of kids on laps this week, whether a parent’s lap or an older sibling’s… the Godly Play circle on Easter was crowded, cozy, close, very full.
We tell the whole story of Jesus, from birth to crucifixion (what’s that? someone asked) and the mystery of life after death. We take the story out of its straight line from beginning to end, and put it in a circle so it can go on forever. We ask the children, “I wonder which part of this story was the most important?” and they give various responses, agreeing or disagreeing with one another, offering different reasons why. There were a lot of good responses to that question, but only one of them caused my jaw to drop. The new girl, her small hand still high in the air, said “the part where it was the women who went to see him, because usually men get to do the important stuff, but the women did that part.”
I gave her “comment of the day” (secretly, in my mind – we don’t have prizes or up-vote buttons in Godly Play) because to me that is the part that so many people miss. The backwards way of Christ’s life, where the last are first, and the first are last, where the outsiders are on the inside, and the deprivileged become important, is at the center of the Gospel. Jesus said, “Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of God” (Mt18:3). And I thank this little child for bringing me back to the center of the story.
I was reminded, too, of my commitment to write some more women’s Godly Play stories. Do you know the story of the woman who anointed Jesus’ feet? Four different versions of that story are told in the four gospels, and in two of them it is said, “wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in remembrance of her.” The words at the end are nearly the same as our commandment to celebrate communion “in remembrance of me” (of Christ). Yet the story is not told often, and we don’t remember her much. The rock musical Jesus Christ Superstar is a notable exception that includes a song about the anointing, and Judas’ confronting her, at the very beginning. But I think she deserves more… a Godly Play story, and perhaps a few sermons. Stay tuned, and I will let you know when I need some play-testers to help play with the story.
Every Blessing,
Talitha