Montclair Presbyterian Church

TALITHA’S TAKE

I’m back from a lovely couple of days at snowy Lake Tahoe with the Company of New Pastors, my support team for the first few years. I met with the whole Company last fall, but this time it was just the western cohort. Californians, Washingtonians, pastors serving in Arizona and New Mexico, and one lucky Texan all gathered at the Presbyterian Conference Center for a few days of prayer and conversation with two experienced pastor mentors.

The main focus of our conversation was a book we all read, Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly. You may have read it yourself, or seen her TED talks. She is doing great work on courage and connection, and in a way I think she preaches the Gospel without using God-language. She tells us that the path to the good life is backwards, not through power, force, and control, but through risk, shame, and vulnerability. Blessed are the poor, and all that anti-common-sense stuff.

One image really stood out for me, an image of how we build trust in order to share vulnerably. She writes about the jar of marbles her daughter’s elementary school teacher kept as a way to measure the good and bad behavior of the class: “I told [my daughter] to think about her friendships as marble jars. Whenever someone supports you, or is kind to you, or sticks up for you, or honors what you share with them as private, you put marbles in their jar. When people are mean, or disrespectful, or share your secrets, marbles come out. When I asked her if it made sense, she nodded her head with excitement and said, ‘I’ve got marble jar friends! I’ve got marble jar friends!’” (Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: Gotham Books, 2012: p 48).

Building marble-jar friendships is important, because someday we may be flat on our backs needing help, and we will want to call on someone we can really trust. Everyone has different criteria for their marble jars. Some give marbles to those who send cards or call to check in, in times of need. Others give marbles to those they have learned to trust by working on projects together, and I think this is where our Presbyterian style of working together is really very effective. As a congregation we do incredible amounts of volunteer work and committee discussion, and this process can be great for building marble-jar friendships. The youth group gave a great BBQ lunch this Sunday, and I watched them all bonding over the cotton candy machine and the dishwasher.

All this is to say, I hope you have marble-jar friends at MPC. If you need to find ways to build more, you might let me, Ben, or someone from the Membership Team help you find a way to plug in. Whether talking heart-to-heart with a new friend, or distributing food side by side at the food pantry, we hope you can build these important relationships so our congregation can truly be the Body of Christ in our community.

Every Blessing,
Talitha

Our church is doing a new thing which we can all be proud of, even though it hasn’t happened yet. We’re still a month or so away, but please, consider yourself invited to puff up your chests and pat one another on the back, because we are running a training to address a very important issue. Not only that, but we are calling in an expert from a nearby Presbytery, and inviting other local congregations to participate in this most important event. Congratulations!

Well, we need all the pride and appreciation we can get, because it isn’t going to be an easy training.  We are gathering together on May 21^st to talk about how we can avoid and prevent abuse in our church, including the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse of children and vulnerable elders. Jane Odell, from San Jose Presbytery, will be leading a class for many of us, especially staff, Godly Play teachers, nursery volunteers, Youth Group advisors, and session members. It won’t be pretty, but it will be important. We will be thinking about unthinkable crimes, and looking for ways we can improve our policies and practices to reduce even the possibility of such crimes happening here.

Presbyterians might be rightly accused of being cynical, but we have a strength in our cynicism. We acknowledge that people do not always do what they ought to do, and that this is common to all – not just in the outlying “bad apples,” but in each person, and moreover that our misdeeds are compounded systemically and culturally, especially when power dynamics come into play . In other words, and churchier words, “we confess the persistence of sin in our corporate and individual lives” (PCUSA Book of Order, F1.0302-b). In even simpler words, if something can possibly go wrong, we expect it may. Because of this, we believe that our systems of power must be well checked and balanced against one another. And when possible, safeguards should be put in place. This training will help us identify places we need safeguards, and will help us all to be alert to risks and dangers so that we can keep everyone safe.

If you are interested in volunteering with the children of our church in the next year – whether in nursery, Godly Play, youth group, retreats or mission trips – we strongly urge you to attend this training! For more information, see our flyer posted on the website. (link) Big thanks to the Children and Youth Education Committee, and our chairperson Marilee Niemi, for taking this project on.

Every Blessing,

Talitha

Please note Rev. Talitha will be out of the office next week, meeting with her cohort for the Company of New Pastors.

Having Rabbi Lerner as a guest preacher this week, we didn’t get to hear this story, but the week after Easter is traditionally Doubting Thomas’ Sunday. It’s a good Sunday to have guest preachers, actually… since the pastors are always exhausted after Holy Week. So, many a seminarian has cut their homiletical teeth, preaching their first sermon ever, on this Guest Preacher Sunday. I’ll point you to the scripture traditionally read (here: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+20%3A24-29&version=NRSV) , or remind those of you who know it well that Thomas insists he will not believe Christ is risen until he can touch his wounds with his own hands. Christ obliges, of course, at his next post-resurrection appearance, and says “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”

Churches don’t always make a lot of room for doubts, but we should. Because Jesus did, for one, and because without doubters – the people who doubt, that is – we wouldn’t even have much church left. If you eliminated everyone whose beliefs differed from the party line, the church would be slim indeed. From the earliest days the church argued over almost everything, and even the central event of our faith – the resurrection – was up for debate, as Paul writes to the Corinthians, “if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say there is no resurrection of the dead?” (I Cor  15:12). The history of our faith is so wide and diverse and full of disagreements, it’s foolish to try to sweep these differences of belief under the rug. They are nothing to be ashamed of, and in fact, they can be our strength.

I share this by way of invitation. One of our Family Life Small Groups, “Drinks and Doubts,” is due to begin next Friday 4/15, and there is still room for four or five more people to join us. It will be held on Fridays, 5:30-7 PM, at rotating locations (I’ll host the first one). RSVP to me if you’d like to join us, and bring your doubts out to play!

Every Blessing,

Talitha

PS I’ll be at Lake Tahoe on retreat with the youth group this weekend. Wish us well, and don’t expect any email replies from me until Tuesday when I’ve recovered!

Pictured above: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doubting_Thomas#

After our Good Friday service, one of you stopped me with a doozy of a question. What does Jesus’ “dying for our sins” really mean? As we talked, it became clear that to this person, the concept of an atoning sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins was not even a little bit useful, helpful, or spiritually meaningful. If you feel this way, you are not alone. The metaphor of Christ’s death as an atoning sacrifice has gotten a lot of attention through the centuries, but it doesn’t always make sense.

The good news is that it does not have to be the only metaphor – or even the central metaphor – for the Christian experience. We have a broad diversity of metaphors, images, and explanations to use. I like to think about the image of a toolbox, and the wise saying that goes with it: “If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail!” So screws, staples, chains, bolts, hinges, and wires all become things to hammer down, and they are nearly always damaged in the process. Well, the atoning sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins may be the often-used hammer in the wider Christian toolbox, but it only really solves one problem: sin. If sin is a central problem for you in your spiritual life, then you need the tool that matches – and I hope we provide it for you. I hope we preach loud and clear that in Christ, you are forgiven, no matter how grievous your sins may be. Like the thief who was crucified next to Jesus, who asked to be remembered, I hope you hear God’s YES to you.

But maybe you aren’t a nail to be hammered, and maybe you aren’t weighed down spiritually by guilt and sin. If you’ll permit me to keep playing with the images, perhaps the central problem in your life is a sense of alienation or loneliness. Maybe you feel you don’t belong, or that you’re stuck, or that you aren’t good enough to be part of the group you want to join. Someone can hammer into you all day long that you are forgiven for your sins, but your sins weren’t bothering you in the first place, and even the most lavish forgiveness is never going to touch the pain of feeling alone. The concept of spiritual adoption — the idea that we are reborn as brothers and sisters in a spiritual family through Christ — might be the story that speaks to you. The image of Mary weeping in the garden and being greeted so lovingly by the risen Christ, and commissioned to go share the good news with the disciples, might be the one that finds you in your place of need. Perhaps it would even oil the rusty hinges of your heart, just slightly scuffed from all the hammering, and allow them to swing open and meet the love that awaits you.

So in these days and weeks as we continue to celebrate Easter, why don’t you try some new tools and new stories, to see if they work for you. If you can’t imagine yourself as the convicted thief crucified next to Jesus, maybe you can imagine yourself as Mary weeping in the garden, or the puzzled disciples walking the road to Emmaus trying to figure it all out. And let us give thanks for the diversity of our sacred stories, knowing that where one turns uselessly in our hands, another may be just the key for us.

Every blessing,
Talitha

Dear friends,
Thank you for including study leave in my contract. I spent last week reading and writing, and it felt very refreshing to be able to work on long-term issues and ideas rather than constantly playing catch-up, which is a game I play far too often. I’m going to try to bring that spacious feeling to work more often, and make sure I don’t neglect the big picture. My reading list, for those of you who are interested, included Ben’s latest book, Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly, a hefty Field Guide to the American Teenager, Riki Wilchin’s Queer Theory Gender Theory, Rilke’s Book of Hours: Love Poems to God, and Wayne Muller’s Sabbath. My writing included pages upon pages of youth group curriculum, and materials for our Lenten Inter-Generational Bible Study.

I’m glad I got all of this accomplished, because Lent comes very early this year, thanks to the peculiarities of the lunar calendar… All seven weeks of Lent will be over and done by the end of March! So, in less than two weeks you will see Ben & me robed up in black and purple (purple is a serious color – we tell the children – because something serious is going to happen).

I hope many of you will consider joining us for Inter-Generational Bible Study. It will be held on Wednesday nights through Lent, combining dinner, simple candlelit song, and lively discussion for all ages as we go through the last chapters of the book of Mark. We hope you can join for Ash Wednesday, then the four-week Bible Study series beginning 2/17, plus the Taize service that follows (3/16) and the Maundy Thursday service (3/24) for a total of seven weeks of Lent, but we certainly also understand if you have to miss some of them. You are welcome, even if you can only attend once!

Bring your brain, booted up, and plenty of questions. We begin with dinner and then will move to the sanctuary for study in a more solemn environment. You are welcome to bring food, make a monetary donation, or to help clean up, but those are not required – we want to make sure this is available to everyone, including those who must squeeze it in between work and family obligations. No strings attached!

Dates: 2/17, 2/24, 3/2, 3/9 (Taize on 3/16, Maundy Thursday on 3/24).
Times: 6 PM dinner, 7-7:45 study
Readings: from the gospel of Mark, excerpts of chapters 10, 12, 13 and 14.
RSVP: talk to me, or use this link.

Thanks!
Blessings, Talitha

The youth group had such a great time on Sunday that I felt we should share our experiences more widely. So, for you, the wider church community, here is some analysis, some commentary, and a few photos. The theme of our Sunday night meeting was “trust.” This had been put on a card in our suggestion box: “How do you know if you can trust someone?” When I get questions like that I always wish I had an easy answer. Well, I didn’t and still don’t, but we certainly talked about it, and explored it with not just words and stories, but with hands, feet, and all five senses.

For example, at one point, a member of the Youth Group found herself trusting her fellow members as they lifted her (blindfolded) on a board… though she didn’t ever get as close to the ceiling as she thought she was, before they tumbled her down to the floor, three inches below.

And later on, with much giggling glee, we all trusted our partners to feed us, to “shave” us (with whipped cream and a spoon “razor”), to style our hair, or to apply our makeup, while seated behind us. This was clearly also an exercise in silliness and in letting go of inhibitions, but the youth all made great choices when asked to choose somebody to whom they could entrust their face.

A youth leader’s toolbox and bookshelves are always full of trust-builders… from the classic “fall and we’ll catch you,” to more treacherous ones like ropes courses and team challenges. This is a large part of modern youth ministry, but it’s unfortunately not a large theme in the church as a whole — or even, in the Bible. I found this when I went looking for a relevant Bible verse to tie into our theme, and found much more somber messages. The Bible seems to say it over and over: be careful whom you trust! Put your trust in God alone, or you will be let down!

Trust is a basic human need — from infancy on we need to trust people — but it is so easily abused and damaged. The verse we did find useful eventually was Jesus’ instructions to his disciples in Matthew 10:18: “Be as wise as serpents, but as innocent as doves.” When it comes to trust, some of us are serpents (calculating, careful, perhaps cold) and some are doves (nice, naive, perhaps taken advantage of). We need to find the line in between where we can both do no harm and take no nonsense.

My prayer is that MPC can be the kind of place where we can learn to trust one another. Perhaps not necessarily with a blind lipstick experience, but to trust one another to carry our burdens, share our joys and our worries, and to work in shared ministry together.

Every Blessing,
Talitha

Rev. Talitha will be taking one week of study leave, Jan 24-31. During this time she will be working on long-term goals, planning curriculum for the youth group, meeting with colleagues, and reading good books in theological libraries. Although she is not out of town, she will be out of the office and off email! Use her cell phone for emergencies.

I had a lot of fun preaching this Sunday! (Click on this link to listen to the sermon.) During my sermon, I enjoyed walking up and down amongst the tables, hearing your thoughtful contributions to the conversation, and seeing you in a new light. Not to mention, sprinkling everyone with water in remembrance of baptism. For those who weren’t there, one thing we did was to reflect on what new names God might give us, and some extraverted (or maybe just brave?) souls shared their names by creating new nametags. I loved this because I could see you differently, as your best selves, in the light of God’s love. And I also loved the idea that those who chose NOT to share with a nametag must be walking around with some wonderful secrets!

I mused, at one point during the sermon, how nice it could be if we had visible signs of our baptismal identity, like an “organic” sticker on an avocado or an embroidered “I belong to God” headband to wear for all to see. I imagined that it could help us all in our efforts to respect and be kind to one another. Two thoughts were shared with me promptly after the service, and both are worth sharing.

One – quite lighthearted – here’s a link to the delightful story of a girl who puzzles her mom with a green blob and its secret meaning. It’s a two-minute read. Read it!

And two – “It’s a hijab!”

Yes. While the reasons why some Muslim women wear hijab are very complex and filled with cultural and political factors, I think it is so helpful to take this view, and even to extend it to any of the other external religious signs we might see. If we see a person wearing a hijab — or yarmulke or crucifix or fringes — we can make the effort to see those symbols as saying “I belong to God.” Of course, we’d be well off making that effort to see the Divine in everyone, all the time, but for those of us who need reminders, consider this a cue.

And speaking of cues, I wanted to share a tiny baptism-related cue that I’ve found helpful in my daily life. I’ve been looking for ways to pray more (yup, even pastors find it hard!) and a friend gave me this wonderful suggestion. Have a simple prayer – no more than a sentence or two – to say when you wash your hands. Hand-washing is a frequent and usually private activity, and it is easy enough that you can slip some words through your mind as the water slips over your hands. How about remembering “I belong to God” each time?

I give thanks that as Presbyterians we only celebrate two sacraments – baptism and communion – and that they are so blessedly simple. Every day we eat, drink, and wash. May your day be infused with holiness, and may you remember God’s love for yourself and everyone you meet.

Every Blessing,
Talitha

I hope everyone was able to ring in the New Year in peace and comfort, whether that was curled up with a good book, partying with friends, or out celebrating with the crowds. I was in New York City for the holiday, but I didn’t go to Times Square (and you must know, only tourists ever go to Times Square), but enjoyed dancing and watching fireworks with a circle of family members in Brooklyn. And back at home in California, I took the first available chance to begin 2016 right by attending a yoga class – and found not a single parking spot available within two blocks of my gym. Ah, yes, it’s New Year’s, the time to beat ourselves up over what we have not accomplished yet! As a nation we all commit to communally punish ourselves with diet, exercise, other work masquerading as “hobbies,” and other such high and lofty goals, set up strictly for the month of January, and generally abandoned at least by midway through February. What’s your New Year’s resolution?

I know I can’t say anything to rescue you from the overwhelming tide of Shoulds, Musts, Guilts, and Shames, but let me offer a bit of an alternative. Even at the same time as you set, focus, refine, and try to keep your New Year’s resolutions, can you also have a New Year’s prayer? That is, while you give yourself a long list of goals, can you give God at least one request? I ask this because crowded gyms and diet plans of January all serve to highlight the illusion that we can do it by ourselves. We can be beautiful, active, healthy, successful, and more — if only we throw our shoulders in and push with all our might.

The truth is that not everyone who tries succeeds; not everyone who exercises looks like a model; and not everyone who goes vegan ends up living to a ripe old age. The world we inhabit is cruelly unfair, and effort does not reliably correlate to outcome. We don’t always get the good things we deserve.

The other important truth is that we are not alone, and that sometimes, mysteriously, by God’s grace, we get far better than we deserve. Sometimes the one who asks, receives, and for the one who knocks, the door opens. And I would hate to think that I had robbed myself of God’s gifts, simply because I was trying to earn them, rather than to simply ask.

If you have a minute right now, think about 2016, your goals, your resolutions, and your hopes. Can you take one of those hopes or goals, and rather than resolving to do it yourself, can you choose to ask God for help? You don’t have to actually stop working on it, but you DO have to re-word it and to remember that not everything is accomplished by brute force.

I pray that we all may know the security of God’s grace that surrounds us; that our work may be purposeful and meaningful; and that our resting and receiving may be richly blessed.

Happy New Year!
Talitha

Blessed are you, O Lord,
Through your children, our sisters and brothers,
Who performed a pageant this past Sunday;
For through their courage on stage
We are indeed encouraged,
By their sweet voices
Our souls are refreshed,
By their talents and skills
We are inspired,
And in their joy we rejoice.
Praise to you, O Lord,
Who put away false dignity
And made your first home
With lowly people,
And even with animals,
In the blessed body of a baby.
May we find you again
As you come to us
This Christmas Season.

Re-live the pageant here:
Photos
Video

Every Blessing,
Talitha

For those of you who haven’t noticed, I’ll confess: I can be a bit grinchy during Advent. It’s an occupational hazard of the pastorate, to be honest, and I do succumb to the temptation. Yes, it’s true, I want to sing Advent hymns rather than Christmas carols… but with the exception of that most popular “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel,” people look at me like I’ve requested a Top 40 jukebox to spit out Mozart and Palestrina. Of course, it’s understandable that I want a religious Christmas rather than a secular one. And as a pastor I do feel a personal responsibility to speak for “those who sit in darkness, bowed beneath their sorrows’ load” in the face of the holly jolly ferocity of those who are determined to close their eyes to the darkness in some kind of denial, “simply having a wonderful Christmas time” with boxes and bows and big happy families. This is my job. The babe in the manger is a light in the darkness, and we can scarcely know the light if we don’t first recognize the darkness.

But.

Moderation in all things, even Advent.

I need to very deliberately take off my Advent Police uniform for a bit, for the sake of allowing gratitude and joy to grow, blossom, and flourish. So in that spirit, here are 5 totally un-Adventy early Christmas blessings, and I hope you can join me in enjoying them.

1. Lights. Those little strings made of the metals of the earth, plastics refined from ancient fossil fuels, glass, color, and delight – not to mention the electricity that flows at will from our walls and battery packs. For the resources of the earth, for scientists and electricians who work and play with it, and for the cheer it brings, we give thanks.
2. BABIES. Because whether they are squalling in a coffee shop or smiling perfectly in a posed photo, in each baby we can see the miracle of life, and the wonders of exploring the world. For each baby that could be the Christ Child come again, we give thanks.
3. Letters and cards. The taken-for-granted privilege of having things delivered right to your own home. The anticipation as you check the return address, wondering who thought of you as they addressed and stamped. (By the way, your MPC church staff also appreciates receiving your cards or year-end-photo-roundup letters, and will post them in the Family Room for wider enjoyment!) For those who send and those who deliver, we give thanks.
4. Music. Because what is not amazing about our vocal cords which can so precisely tune to one another in unison or harmony? What is not amazing about a piano’s hundreds of strings, a violin’s exact architecture, or the complexity of a tuba? For humanity’s musical abilities, talents, and craft, we give thanks.
5. Cold weather. Because although we don’t really dream of a white Christmas in Oakland, we do dream vicariously for the sake of Tahoe and our neighboring mountain ranges, that they may be abundantly blessed with snow. For this we will endure the cold, knowing El Niño may yet deliver us from drought, and we will give thanks.

May you be delivered from all grinchiness, and be grateful.

Blessings,
Talitha