Montclair Presbyterian Church

Just back from vacation… I (Talitha) spent a week with great people on a lake in Massachusetts. There I learned a fantastic new game. The youngest of our company, not yet two years old, went around asking people: “Do you wanna be a pirate?” To this query you would either answer “no” or “Arrrr, matey!” with a pirate hook finger – causing her to giggle with glee.
That was it. That’s the whole game. And it was complicated enough for her, serving to transform an otherwise boring day at the lake into an exciting search for fellow pirates.

This little girl, with her game, was in the business of invitation. (more…)

Last Friday I went to a friend’s wedding. Instead of the bride taking the groom’s name (too patriarchal) or hyphenating both their names (too long and ridiculous) they took their favorite  letters from each name and put them together. Haxton + Medema = Haxtema. In doing so they each said goodbye to their own last name and, in a way, their family lineage… but greeted their new life with a new identity. Some MPC folks have chosen this route as well. It does of course risk sending future genealogists into a whirl… but there are cultures who do not use family names and manage to keep track of their family lineage anyway. (more…)

Caregiving – taking care of one another – is an important part of family life.  We are all born defenseless and in need of care, and many of us will end our lives in a similar “second childhood” dependent on others to care for us. And with very few exceptions, most of us will spend some of our lives as caregivers.

Expectant parents know they have to be ready to , but other types of caregiving can take you by surprise. When you’re young, your parents take care of you – and then suddenly (sometimes too young) a parent starts failing… now you’re parenting your parent?? And unexpected things like accidents, surgeries, or sicknesses take a loved one by surprise, and you end up suddenly thrust into the role of caregiver.

I heard more than one person in that kind of situation say this week – “HOW DO I DO THIS?” How do you lay down the massive amounts of time, energy, and love it takes to care for a person in need – whether young or old – without totally crashing & burning? How do you manage it all, without a superhero cape?

The biggest thing that comes to mind in situations like this is: put your own oxygen mask on first, before assisting others. The caregiver needs to practice self-care first and foremost. I may never have breast-fed, but I can tell you this for sure: if momma isn’t feeding herself first, baby doesn’t get fed enough either.

Self-care might be calling a friend for support, or it might be taking a nice long walk alone. It might be ordering your favorite food for home delivery instead of stuffing down a quick PB&J. These may seem like selfish acts, in the face of such pressing and constant need, but they can be the oxygen we need to keep breathing and keep working.

What do you do to take care of yourself? Even if you’re not a caregiver now, take a moment to focus on caring for yourself – so that you can be strong enough to care for others.

iPhones?  facebook? tech-free life? or toys that beep?

knitting? gardening? skateboarding? or trapeze-ing?

fine lace? ripped jeans? sweater vests? or tube tops?

twittering? texting? sending postcards? or visiting?

I’m imagining a large-scale poll, administered by Gallup or the like, that tracks dozens of statements  in the form  “I love____” across ages 1-100.  “I love facebook” would probably spike at the 25-30 range, “I love David Letterman” a decade or two older, “I love xbox” around 15 or so, “I love canasta” certainly in the later generations of the graph. My point being: different generations like different things. (more…)

In Uganda nearly six years ago, I took a little boy to the hospital. He was a resident of the orphanage where I volunteered, and he had to go to the hospital fairly regularly for checkups; he’d lived with HIV since birth. He loved going to the hospital because he got to ride in a truck, and miss school, and eat special treats like a biscuit or banana… or even candy, if his chaperon was feeling generous. A few days later we were watching a sports event at his school, and he entertained himself by rattling off all the nicknames he could call me. L’s and R’s interchange in Luganda to give him many options: “Talitha, or Terither, or Tally, or Terry, or T, or mummy… can I call you mummy?”

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This cryptic symbol showed up on the wall at our youth group retreat. No, it wasn’t graffiti… Susan had written it up. She challenged the youth to find a way to explain what it might mean. It’s a good puzzle.

Take a moment to guess….. (more…)