Montclair Presbyterian Church

The church I grew up in was a fundamentalist Presbyterian Church. We heard a great deal about hell and what we had to do to escape it and how we would find ourselves on the fast train down. The three biggies I can remember as a child who was “taught” was that if we drank, smoked or had sex before marriage, we were guaranteed a hot spot. Not far behind was swearing. To this day I have a difficult time swearing! We were told “the Bible says” you can’t have sex before you are married, smoking and drinking are wrong. I am still looking for those passages…

In that same church, I don’t ever remember hearing about the poor or oppressed or the injustice in the world or being peacemakers. Everything we were taught was from the perspective of how we could “win” people to Jesus so that they would be saved (and not go to hell). What is remarkable to me now that I am older is how absolutely everything was presented. The interpretation of scripture that was presented was the ONLY interpretation possible.

As I have grown up and matured and listened to people from all faiths and backgrounds, I have come to realize that as soon as someone claims to know the mind of God or claims to have the “right” or “only” interpretation of scripture, they are dangerous. One of my pet peeves is when I hear people talk about obeying the Bible and yet they are choosing which parts are to be obeyed in this day and age. Seriously, if you are going to tout obedience to scripture then at least be consistent and cover your heads and don’t eat shellfish and follow the cleanliness laws and be sure women never speak in church, etc…

Honestly, how can anyone live in this world of ours and think for a second that God is easily understood and manageable? How can anyone stand up in a pulpit anywhere and tell people exactly what constitutes truth? Do they really think the God who created double rainbows and the solar system and cultural diversity is really that simple and one-dimensional (as if God’s sole desire is that we should be saved and tough luck for the poor and oppressed)?

Is God so limited that there is only one way to understand truth? At Montclair Presbyterian church we care as much about the Bible and Jesus and truth as anyone else. The difference is that we believe God is multi-dimensional and that we may never arrive at a place we call “the only truth” or “the only way.” We believe this life is about the journey of discovering God and being able to see God in each other more than it is about arriving at a place called “God” or “truth.” If you want to journey with us, you are most welcome.

While I don’t often rant about politics, there are times when I just cannot help myself. Politicians are people, too, and I try to look at them with compassion because I know what’s it like to try to please a group of people who at times all want very different things from me. Politicians are similar to pastors in that their constituency feels a sense of ownership or as though they are the employers. Most of the time I can empathize to an extent, even with the politicians with whom I disagree the most. My true confession is that I was unable to feel compassion toward George W. Bush and I am equally unable to feel compassion toward Sarah Palin. While I am not proud of my absolute lack of compassion toward these two human beings, I am also aware that it comes from a place of deep compassion for those whose lives they have torn asunder. While George W. Bush’s atrocities are more obvious because of the length of his term as POTUS, Sarah Palin’s are the ones I would like to highlight.

As a woman in a profession that is still largely a man’s world, I am incensed by Palin’s insistence upon representing herself as an intelligent woman, capable of leading this country. If she wants to be taken seriously, she needs to learn when to choose silence over speech, when to say she does not know, and when to say she was wrong. Her inability to do any of those contributes to her foolishness which results in people wanting to pat her on the head and tell her she’s real cute, as though she’s still four years old. That is exactly what intelligent women have been working to change for the past 60 years. When she misspoke about Paul Revere, the mature and intelligent avenue would have been to simply say she made a mistake. The media would have let it go at that and perhaps that is why she continued to insist that what she said was true. Maybe she is just a supreme manipulator which is also not doing anything to help the image of women.

The other group of which I am a part that she has harmed in a variety of ways is the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. Palin is against gay marriage and has publicly said homosexuality is a choice. She claims at the same time not to have anything againt the gay community and says she doesn’t judge us. The problem is she is in a position to influence a great number of people (as surprising as that is) and her stance against gay marriage tells people she believes my love for my wife is somehow lesser than her love for her husband (scary thought, that). Her comment about the fact that she wouldn’t “choose” to be gay is not just ignorant but destructive. Think of all of the parents of teenagers who are gay who hear a comment like that and feel justified in sending their teenager to a gay reparative therapy camp. The harm done at those camps is sometimes never undone. You can’t imagine the painful conversations I have had with people who went through that experience earlier in their lives. She makes comments like that with no thought regarding the repercussions. Or, maybe she’s fooling us and is making those comments hoping for the repercussions…

If I had my way, Sarah Palin would be honest about the fact that she wants to be an entertainer and make lots of money and stop pretending she wants to be a serious contender as a leader of this country. Even I could deal with her as an entertainer because she will do much less harm if people know not to take her seriously. Those of us in California learned the hard way about mistaking entertainers for politicians. We should lead the way in warning the rest of the country.

The first “graduation” I experienced with my children was when our oldest daughter, Emily, “graduated” from pre-school. It was an alternative pre-school so the word “graduation” was never used, but my goodness, there was certainly enough “ceremony” to go around for the day. Pictures had been taken of each child throughout the year and then each family was given the task of making a “memory” book for a different child than their own from the pictures that had been taken all year. On their last day, what I referrred to as “graduation” day, the memory books were presented to each child. The ceremony was followed by a festive potluck lunch out on the playground. The children were happy and sad all at the same time because many of them were going to different schools for kindergarten so they realized this was their last play time together. For our younger daughter, Anna, it was even more poignant as we moved from one town to a different town when she finished pre-school. She knew she wouldn’t see any of her pre-school friends in her new school.
The “graduation” scene happened again in 5th grade since middle school is 6th-8th grades. When they left the 5th grade, the school had a long graduation program with speeches and certificates and the whole nine yards. Of course when they graduated from 8th grade it was an even longer program with more speeches and music and speeches from an adult and an even larger party afterward. Honestly, by the time our older daughter graduated from high school last year, it was a bit anti-climactic. Or was it that she was just so glad to have survived high school and be moving on to where people might care more about your thoughts on global warming than your thoughts on the latest fashions?
Surprisingly enough, I am not one of the parents who think graduations at every level are ridiculous and should be banned. On the contrary, I am a lover of ritual so I have always appreciated the ritual that accompanies each and every transition in our daughters’ lives. Okay, maybe I didn’t fully appreciate the 6 speeches in 5th grade in two languages, but the overall ritual I did appreciate!
In our North American anglo culture, we do a lousy job of acknowledging the major transition times in our lives. Other cultures are much more intentional than we are about ritual at various times in one’s life span. Rituals are a way to invite people into a deeper experience of an ordinary occurrence. A ritual can also engender reflection on a particular time in one’s life such as a quincinera or a graduation or a bar mitzvah.
Long after we graduate from a school of one kind or another, we continue to go through significant transitions. How can we develop rituals that both celebrate and mourn the transition (similar to a graduation that celebrates the accomplishment of the past and acknowledges the moving on to the future)? How about rituals for divorce which some traditions are doing? How about rituals for children leaving home? How about rituals for entering and finishing menopause (one of the wildest journeys in a woman’s life!)? How about rituals for becoming grandparents? How about rituals for changes in health? How about rituals for moving from one’s “home” to a new place for living out the rest of one’s days?
Our lives are constantly changing and I believe we would help ourselves and others cope and adapt more readily if we would develop intentional rituals to help the community surround the one who is experiencing the changes. One of the most meaningful rituals I have ever participated in was on a Sunday morning at my former church when we created a re-naming ceremony for one of our transgender members. What a powerful ritual for every person who was there that day! We spoke of the past (the old name and life) and we celebrated the future (the new name and life) and there were very few dry eyes in the place. Imagine what it meant to the family members of the one who was transitioning from female to male to be surrounded by community and to have their major life change be incorporated into a meaningful ceremony. So I say, “let them all graduate” and may we find many more ways to ritualize life’s long and winding roads!

One of the best songs of all time is the song from South Pacific called “You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught.” It talks about how before you are six or seven or eight years old you have to be taught to hate people your family hates or to be afraid of people who are different from you. The idea behind the song is that children are not born hating and fearing others. They literally have to be taught. I was reminded of this last weekend when our dear friends came over with their two children.
Their oldest child is a four year old boy. He is as cute as a child could be and I have loved him since the day he was born. His mom has skin the color of soy milk and his dad has skin the color of dark chocolate. His mom was telling me that recently he pointed to Michelle Obama and said, “That’s you, Mama.” He also did the same thing with Shakira! She then went on to say that when he sees picture of men with very light skin, he seems to see his Daddy. She has been marveling at the fact that he does not seem to see any differences in their skin color. In other words, he doesn’t identify them by their skin color or even notice it for that matter. He easily sees his Dad in all other Dads and his mom in all other moms, regardless of skin color.
Our conversation quickly went to how sad it will be when someone tells him that his mom doesn’t look like Michelle Obama and his Dad doesn’t look like some of his friends’ dads. Will he feel the need eventually to decide which color of skin he prefers? Will he wonder about his own skin color and how his compares with other kids? My heart breaks to think that this beautiful little boy who does not know how to think about or categorize people in terms of skin color might some day be taught to fear or hate.
When parents do such an amazing job of teaching their children to love everyone, no matter what might be different, how can we continue that teaching? Schools often attempt to, but because there are always students who HAVE been taught to hate and fear, it seems it spreads like wildfire. In our church, we are intentional about trying to teach all of the children who come through our doors that differences are nothing to fear or hate. We talk about kids who have two moms or two dads and kids who are bigger or smaller and kids who have different color hair and kids who can sing or kids who are good at sports. As parents we have to choose church very carefully because there are many places where hate and fear are still alive and well and being taught to children, if not overtly than certainly covertly. We aren’t perfect here at Montclair but we are willing to learn from our mistakes and we are trying to teach Love and how to value our differences. We’d love to have you come and check us out. If you hear or see something you wonder about, let us know. We want to be a part of creating a whole new world for our children.

Last Sunday I preached about Harold Camping’s prediction that Judgment Day is coming on May 21st, 2011. While a part of me didn’t want to give him or his right wing fanaticism any more airtime than he is already getting, the other part of me is convinced that the progressive Christian church must learn how to speak out in the fight over God. Don’t we, as progressives, care that one man has proclaimed a God to millions of people that is a foreign God to us?
The progressive Christian church exists, to some extent, in reaction to the claim on truth that right wing Christians have promulgated. Progressives shy away from anything that sounds like dogma because even if it’s liberal, it’s still dogma. So how will we ever have a voice in this fight?
Okay, I get that most people don’t like the word “fight” when it comes to conversation about God. Perhaps “war” would be a more fitting term. My experience has been that an army of people are trying to take over the country we call God and most of us are sit idly on our porches or ducking into our houses as it happens. My pondering over this has left me with two questions: Are we so unsure of what we believe that we won’t even enter into the fray? Or, are we so afraid of becoming “like them” that we won’t stand up for anything?
While I don’t wish to be dogmatic, I can certainly speak from experience. The God I have experienced throughout my life and all of its twists and turns is a God who is long on mercy and short on judgment, is concerned more about those who are hungry and sick and oppressed than about individual salvation, is able to work in ways and through people that are surprising to us, is intent on a world community in which there are no insiders and outsiders, and is not interested in being the God of America only.
One of my favorite professors in seminary was teaching a class on good and evil and he began the class by saying, “This is what I believe today. You may see me 6 months from now and I might believe very differently. God continues to reveal and I continue to be open to such revelation so I will qualify everything I say by saying I am always open to further revelation. So here is what I believe today.” And then he went on to teach the class. He was different than many professors in that he genuinely listened to the students in the class rather than simply trying to transmit his own knowledge. He modeled for us how to be open to further revelation.
Perhaps that is an option for the progressive Christian churches to join in the conversation and the fight over God. Perhaps we simply need to say, “This is what we believe today and we also believe God continues to reveal each and every day so we continue to listen.”
I think I can honestly say it’s not my competitive streak that makes me want to join the fight over God. It’s a result of sitting with so many people who have been deeply wounded in the fight. If I can do anything to prevent the wounds from happening, I will do it and it seems as if speaking up is one of the ways to prevent the wounds. Will you join me in speaking up so God is not used as a weapon against all kinds of people?

Well, after my blog last week I was aware that I have a bit more of a rant inside of me regarding the subject of Bin Laden than I realized. Last week I was trying to be sensitive toward people who personally lost someone on 9/11 and the fact that their feelings and grief are complicated. I understand that some are rejoicing in the death but I also felt obligated to raise some of the concern about such rejoicing.
This week I need to rant just a little. As a parent I have tried to teach my kids that making mistakes are a part of life and when we make them it’s important to own them and then make amends. Part of what troubles me about the rhetoric regarding Bin Laden is that there are very few people willing to look at the role the US played in creating a terrorist like him. As a country we are TERRIBLE at owning our mistakes and making amends. We just keep on bulldozing through the world as though our mistakes are all justified in some way or because we are the biggest we don’t have to be accountable for our mistakes.
Is that the kind of country in which you want to live and belong? When did we become so high and mighty and above accountability? We wonder why we have corrupt CEO’s and politicians and business people. Isn’t the answer fairly obvious? The bully is rewarded because we are the bully and it’s worked for us as a country.
Come on, people, have we really lost all hope of being able to transform our government and our foreign policy and our military policy? When are we going to flow out into the streets and demand that we live up to our democracy? When are we going to say enough is enough? How is that we can assassinate a human being publicly across the world and no one says a word?
Sometimes I wonder if we are all asleep…

Well, it’s all over the news. After 10 years, the wicked witch of terrorism is finally dead. Apparently there are happy people dancing in the streets at various locations around the world. Apparently this is a huge victory for the USA. Apparently this will send a message to terrorists all over the world. Hmm….what exactly is that message?
When I heard the news this morning, I was strangely unemotional. Why am I not rejoicing? Why am I not feeling victorious? Why am I not impressed by our country’s ability to send a message? Why am I not at least satisfied that he got what he deserved? Am I the only one, besides those in his own network, not rejoicing?
Honestly, I feel more like sighing. My heart is heavy with the realization that we have learned very little over the years in regard to terrorism. Rather than feeling proud to be American, I can only wonder who we really are as a country.
Don’t get me wrong. One of my favorite pastimes is to read fiction and the fiction I choose to read is all about the elite forces and the plots they try to foil. Because I am such a chicken liver, I think I like to live vicariously through the fearless characters in the fiction I read. Through them I can be a navy seal or a CIA agent or some other elite squad member. There was a small part of me who was impressed by the fact that it was a navy seal team who did the deed. The event will no doubt be fodder for many more books for me to read about our elite forces.
When I am not in the world of fiction, but in our very real world, I am concerned. What does justice mean anymore? Why was Bin Laden treated so differently with a blanket order to kill? Or, do those orders get carried out all of the time all over the world without our knowledge. Was Bin Laden really that much worse than some of the dictators who have slaughtered hundreds of thousands in Africa? Why don’t we send elite forces in to “remove” them? At the end of the day, was this about pride and saving face? I will not mourn for Bin Laden. My mourning is closer to home. My grief is related to our false sense of who we are as a country. In the end, are we really just wealthy thugs?

After the Easter Celebration, I spoke with a young couple who has an 8 year old son. They told me that he is a deep thinker and asks some challenging questions. Recently one of his classmates told him that the world was going to end in 2012 because the Mayans have predicted it. Naturally the boy wanted to know all about the Mayans and why they think the world is going to end. The parents were telling me they have had a difficult time knowing how to answer their son’s questions.
Many of us, if not all of us, have heard the same prediction. In fact, it’s interesting to see how many movies have come out regarding the end of the world. What do we do with the prediction? Remember Y2K? The world watched and waited as the millenium changed wondering if the world’s grid would collapse and communication would be cut off worldwide.
What sense have you made of the prediction by the Mayans? Do you ignore it? Have you investigated it? Is it a concern lingering in the back of your mind? Are you curious about it? What would you say to an 8 year old boy if he asked you the questions he has been asking his parents?
My approach as a parent was usually to talk about my feelings or perspective pretty honestly. As to the world ending in 2012, I remember being 8 years old and being terrified of a nuclear bomb that would end the world. That was 40 years ago. It seems there is always a threat of some kind. We have to decide whether to live our lives in fear of what might happen or to live our lives purposefully each day. Sometimes I slip into fear mode, but I try really hard to live purposefully every day. We have no way of knowing or predicting the future and while there is a great deal to be afraid of, there is also a great deal to discover and enjoy.
Life is a bit like running a race. If you only look at the ground right in front of your feet, you probably won’t get very far or go very fast. If you only look so far out in front of you that you don’t know what is at your feet, you could easily trip and hurt yourself. Somehow we have to find a way to notice what is in front of us and to look down the road into the distance so we are ready for both. Every step we take is a choice to live in fear or in faith.

This morning as I listened to National Public Radio, I was dismayed to hear of yet another earthquake aftershock in Japan that registered 6.6. A month has passed since the initial quake and tsunami and just when they might be thinking things are settling down, along comes another aftershock and the terror fills them again as it did when it first happened. The image of the ground shaking beneath them and then settling down and then shaking again reminds me a great deal of how it is with grief.
Our culture has unwisely over the years perpetrated the myth that grief is something you feel for a limited amount of time and then you move on with your life. Widows and widowers will tell you how often people ask them several months after their partner of 50 years has died whether or not they are over it yet. The loss of someone or something we love to death or divorce or forced separation is not something that goes away. Instead, it’s a bit like an earthquake, or the waves of the ocean. There are times when very little is happening and we can barely feel it or sense it. There are other times when the ground shakes so hard we almost fall down or when the waves come crashing and we can barely catch our breath. We don’t usually know when or where the quake or wave will occur, but we know at some point we’ll feel it again. The best thing we can do for ourselves and for our grief is to let it come and to hang on to the hope that eventually the aftershocks will lessen in force and they won’t come as often.
One of the gifts we receive from being in community is that we don’t have to weather our grief storms alone. Let someone know when the ground is shaking beneath you or the wave has drenched you. Sometimes an arm around the shoulder or a reassuring word or a silent companionable presence is all you need. If you are not part of a community where you can do that, you are welcome to come and join ours. We care about each other and we care about you, whatever your journey.

During these 40 days of Lent, the time between Ash Wednesday and Easter, our church is exploring the theme of wilderness. Have you ever been in an actual wilderness? Prevailing wisdom would say that you would do well to have a healthy fear of the realities of wilderness. In other words, be prepared for what might come your way. Be knowledgeable of the dangers and take what steps are necessary to prevent the danger from taking your life.
When I did my 5 day Vision Fast in the wilderness by myself, I spent weeks preparing thoroughly for what might present challenges. I had rehearsed what to do in various situations and I brought along mosquito netting, jungle juice, a hatchet, a flashlight, a whistle and various and asundry other tools to assist me. The first night out as I laid in my sleeping bag on top of my tarp, I was wearing a baseball cap with the mosquito netting over it because the bugs were out in swarms. I had a difficult time getting to sleep because I was afraid of the wild animals that might visit me in the night. Mountain lions, wolves, bears, lions, tigers and who knew what other murderous animals might spring out of the dark? It didn’t help that when I laid down on my tarp I could hear constant scratching sounds under the tarp. My imagination was amped up and I could feel myself spinning into a world of fear. Somehow I ended up falling asleep and after what seemed like hours, something woke me up. I opened my eyes and couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Perched on the top of my baseball cap with it’s head bent over looking into my face was a mouse! Of all of the animals in the wild wilderness that I had prepared for, this was not one of them. It took me a minute to register what I was seeing and when all of my brain synapses finally talked to each other, I reached my hand up and knocked the mouse off of my cap. It scurried away and I got up and out of my sleeping bag and began to pace.
Isn’t it true that what we fear is often so much bigger than what actually shows up in our lives? We think lions and tigers and bears and instead a cute little mouse shows up and looks at us with curious eyes. After a day or two in the wilderness, I was able to see the humor in what happened the first night. Seeing a mouse eyeball to eyeball was the perfect thing to dissuage my fear and remind to trust. I hope your fear of lions is transformed into a beautiful moment with a mouse.